> rekindling a lost love

i got me comics today (wednesday). had an hour in-between shoot and rushed like a madman on a mission breezed on down to funan centre for a dose of me addiction.i've been "off-comics" for close to four months now. now, that sucks; it truly does. and the absolute joy of actually being in a comicshop again, much less flipping thru my bounty proved quite a bit much for my feebleheart to bear ... but

> open arms

/ i can't read "signs" anymore. i can't open my mouth and be charming anymore (NOT that i ever was ever, innit? muahahahaha *PUI*) i can't even discern what is real or my imagination-on-overdrive anymore (even tho tis been said in my face point blank not to "overthink" things) ... wahlaneh! = i feel like a teenage fool again leh, nahbey! *PUI*dun wanna play no games. dun wanna run around no

> hangover tuesday

t'was a wet and cold morning, followed by the sweltering heat in the afternoon and a mildly humid evening. no, this ain't a freeekin' weather report for fuck'sake, but to reiterate the conditions in which my health mind was bombarded with, on this lovely tuesday ...t'was a day of severe migraines headaches, obviously brought about by a horrendous hangover from the insidious escapade the night

> of alcohol and maintenance

i've not had liquor for quite a while now. and the whole thing (for me anyways) about liquor; is more often associated with the company of peeps and of the locales in which we partake of the sinful beverage.hanging out with frens at a public hawker centre or kopi tiam with cheap(er) beer and hawker-fare appeals to the "more relaxed" side of me, and i actually enjoy it. while hanging out at pubs

> red faces

a long and exceptionally casual shoot day. did quite a bit of shopping (where else but IKEA? HAH) and lottsa laughter in studio. had a good late dinner with peeps down at changi village and got my "first" taste of beer (again, after a gawddamned long time) and walked thru the hawker centre with a reddened face ... must have looked like "Zhong1 Kui2" (*famed ghost catcher in chinese folklore)

> educate me

one down. one more to go.and in less than a week, all would disappear in a puff (i hope) and would be but "memories" of past ... the pain, the strain, the sleep-forever-lost ... and the eternal question that will forever bug my subconscious: "why the fuck do i constantly do it?"as much as i do enjoy my work, tis also a constant bugbear; for have i not any other "options" available to me? tho i

> screw with my wetdream?

a sleep-reprieve molested by an early morning phonecall from a wanker so vile, it takes ALL of me to hold it all in and not bring bad karma upon myself by not cussing his entire family tree with the black plague and specifically for him, the inability to have an erection ever and not produce any heirs and that he'd be raped by brutish and diseased foreign men down a dark, dank and wet alley and

> say my name biatch

it always gets me both gleefully pridefull joy extremely perturbed and rubbin' me raw in me tits; when i find out that peeps use my name for their own gain. more specifically; they add my name on/to their credits / key personnel list = for project pitches - most times without telling me!? and not even knowing about the existence of these projects = duh? like, WTF, seriously?!now, i ain't goin'

> fucked

the only thing keeping me awake now and pumpin'? KRAFTWERK's Minimum - Maximum "Live" 2-CD Set = they muthafucking RAWK! good shitte lah :p /

> dynamite

am letting Jamiroquai's Dynamite "blast" me ta lalaland tonight and as i begin my dailyprocedures to lay my weary head down on my defluffled pillow (possibly with a bit'o shoulder-shimmy action, i suspect) - i am both excited and dreading the shoot to come in a scant few hours ... be that as it may, im sure to have JK groovin' in me ear when the time comes ... i hope ... and if you're at the

> bothered

tonight marks the quickest time i've completed scanning+reading thru my daily blog reads. coming in under the radar in under 30minutes flat. (or maybe tis not many peeps blog as long yesterday?) and altho i told myself (again), to just log-on to check for tomorrow's shoot schedule (yes, it begins), then log-off and go shower and sleep.i shouldn't have bothered, should i?*sigh*... had actually

> snippets of my monday past

i keep telling myself: log off.go do your work.so you can get more sleep.so you have energy to work the next day, becoz you'll need it.and of coz i have failed yet again. and a third entry for the night is churned out of the gloomycookiecutterfactory and i ramble on for the sake of rambling on, most likely becoz i long for the days and nights when i could ramble on and not worry much about the

> tolerate thee

have just realized my tolerance level had gone up ... being able to take anyone's shitte had always been a no-brainer for me = i just fuck that person up. simple. done deal. no questions needed. no answers given. simple equation.now? = i "imagine if i was in their shoes" ... i worry about others' "sensitivities" ... i hold my tongue (longer than i normally do) in case i invite any unneccessary

> i work therefore i whine

/ okay, shower, work and sleep. not neccessary in that order, thank yew fer readin'.

> work-hangover

is there such a thing as a work-hangover? ... coz i sure was feeling it when i dragged me decaying-ass up woke-up on an ungawdly sunday morning (anytime before 12noon is ungawdly and sinful on a sunday) ... like a train-wreck and a tsunami that had hit me head at the exact same instant, vision muddled and brains functioning at minumum-capacity, me subconscious still tussling with me consciousness

> i try and i've tried

i've been trying my darnest to keep my temper in check ...i've been keeping myself calm and collected, in the face of unpredictability and inevitability ...i've been silently culling my inner demons both consciously and subconsciously ...i've been finding constant surprises in myself, for my patience in matters that would've blown a gasket in me; times past ...i've been trying to find the humour

> scribs

instead of sleeping (not that i haven't tried, dammit), i found this on my dreamgirl's blog :p... my saturday's gonna be so fcuked ...

> a plea for peace

im so muthafcuking tired; i can't sleep. my mind is racing non-stop til a muddied blur, thoughts spinning incoherently in tandem with the physical situation that's spiralling out of control as fast as ya can say: fcukme ... and the pain and anguish ain't exquisite anymore ... and i can't afford even to wallow anymuchmore (okay, juz a tad here lah nahbey) for there are tasks to be done and not

> and in today's news

CAD versus NKFpart two of the trilogy is currently under production. just seen on the telly; the Commercial Affairs Department (CAD) had been called in to investigate the recent NKF Saga ... more fodder for the kaypoh concerned masses. the excitement never ends ... as i knew it wouldn't. i ain't smart, mind you ... not even close ... tho maybe in the end, i would've been foolish to have even

> my first recruitment / human classified ad

itz down to the frickkin' wire now ... the shitte's gonna whack/hantum/hoot the miserable fan hard pretty damn frickkin' soon, and then some! i desperately need help now.looking for the following personnel:[1] Props Master[2] Props / Art Assistantsfor an upcoming corporate video job. two in fact. back-to-frickkin'-back. *pengz *Location:Shoot is based in Singapore, so ya haveta be already based

> i think i thought i kamcheong spider

blissfully oblivious to the cyberworld around me ever since logging off at 230pm to go to "work" the wednesday prior, i reached home and logged on at 530am on a thursday morning; to do a double quadruple-take when Ah9 told me i kana tomorrowed ? ? ?i chuak until lao teh-kor* ! (translated: *i was so shocked, i had an excessive evacuation of watery feces into my underwear*)mouth agape, mind

> descend into darkness

/ am so pek cek i cant sleep. fuck./ stubbborness and foolishness makes strange bedfellows, which is further complicated by the oldest; stupidity and the incestous lonesome threesome makes for some (unseen) explosive/implosive results indeed ... and here i am spewing nothing again. and as i attempt to log off and go friggin work, i say to thee detractors (if any) = ya dun like what ya read

> skin deep

there's this hokkien (chinese dialect) expression: "pek cek" (*frustrated*) and this too: "mang zang" (*irritable*) and they're oft used in the same breath, or one reacting after the other ... and sure as fcuk as i've been trying to surpress these two muthafcukers ever since the morn, i think they have finally bore thru my stubbornskull ... and im suddenly calmed in the face of it all ... which

> benglish

now this is muthafcukin' killin' me! bwahahahahaha and tis whatz been keepin' me from getting another round of dreaming of Linda well-deserved sleep ... how does the dude do it?i was laffing at Rambotan's so hard, until i realized he was bengified and then i totally "died" reading Scarlett Ting's (which i lurk on mondo loads read very often as well) ... and i'd never be able to read her blog the

> gasping for AIR

now, i dunno Linda Chia personnally and i have never met her in person. the most i "know" about/of her is via her blog; AIR which i lurk on read often ... but last night? = "she was my girlfriend".(but then again, it could be just someone that resembles her a lot lor ... hhhmmm *bleh* ;p)"on-and-off-dream-girlfriend"; actually (:p) ... and there we were running around a giant shopping mall (where

> perth the movie

530am and im still sitting in front of my trusty Mac (which weren't so trusty in the morning+afternoon when i couldn't log on *ggrr*) and basically whoring plugging Perth The Movie; which i had watched again this monday evening (first time being last year's film fest, with the fiasco that was the electrical-outage which screwedup the screening for like, 4-5 times? BAH) ... and even now, i find it

> me teeth and me

and now i have finally found a toothpaste that doesn't make me puke (every single fucking morning) when i brush my mangled teeth: Darlie's Tea Care! and i like it so much i could drink it! (and of coz i dun literally drink toothpaste ya morons ... and of coz im off me rockers and youse kiddies shouldn't drink toothpaste, yeh?)i wonder what that morning-puking condition might be tho ... sure as

> another weekend in a lifetime of weekends

and yet another week and weekend had passed. a surprising long and laborous (as compared to the week prior mayhap) week of "work", accumulating in a non-descript weekend. becoz basically: nothing happened. hardly out of the ordinary really; these past six months ... and tho im tired of this "new" routine, t'was nothing compared to the many weekends years the years past ...i remember weekends were

> instant gratification awaits?

blame it all on P ... and suddenly an old dawg's gots sum new tricks inna bag (sorta) ... tho it was a muthafcukin'+bloodpressure-raisin' downloading fiasco-event of the night lah ... but itz all good ... for now *bleh* :p

> the art of stoning

or the art of defocusing your mind.or the art of detaching yourself from your real world.how does one stone?ya get into a personal comfort zone (most times without realizing it), be it sitting down for a cigarette or standing at a bus stop or in the middle of a boring-ass-seminar, or just about anywhere where your attention is not needed by others (or even if it did but ya couldn’t give a rat’

> my name is joe and i drive a taxi

i was told last night point-blank (via phone); that: i am "full of it".and of coz that's all that was said. no reason why. no examples given. and that im just "that" and that would be end of it.and of coz that wouldn't be the end of it. not if i can help it ...but it'll haveta be, for now anyways ... *bleh*and of coz she hadda constantly get my name wrong lah ... nahbey ... heh :pthat, and that i

> conflicted

i know, i know ... "work" needn't actually be that tiring (and it muthafcukin' WAS the whole of fcukin' thursday) IF i had enough sleep the night prior ... but nnnoooo, i hadda crash at 4am and wakeup at 9am ... and as sure as i haveta be up by 8am friday morning, im still widefcukinawake at 245am spewing yet another round of personalbile for gawd knows why ...... oh yah, becoz i wanted to share

> trapped

just finished Kill Bill on dvd, in a failed attempt to divert my gnawing frustration that's seems to be boiling beneath my phantomskinsurface, stemming from a worksituation that "developed" earlier in the evening ... and tis just that i couldn't pinpoint it, nor put a bloodiedfinger on it ... until a particular scene from Kill Bill struck me like a sledgehammer coming in at Mach4 ... and tis not

> alas i have failed once more and sinned

(okay, bad pun for the post title ... like i care? muahahahaha ;p)and here i am; puffing away with a vengence, at 420am in the blardy morning, pulling my hairs out over a coupla "typed quotations" for a new gig ~ which i wish i never have to do any again (but alas i know it to be a pure survival neccessity) and just haveta grudgingly accept the paperwork that goes along with these sorta affairs (

> i heart my country

the temptation to wax lyrical about the nation's birthday today; is basically non-existent. for when i dig thru my mindbile and rummage thru the wastes within, i find myself wanting; when it comes to superfluous words to describe my joy of the nation's 40th.for sure i heart my country. no doubt.tho to be totally fair, it hadn't always been the smoothest of relationships (and believe me i've been

> patience, my ass

Impatience always seem to get the better of me, regardless of whatever situation i might be involved in, directly or indirectly ... and itz all due to a result of "judgement", whereby you/one "judge" whether the situation requires the appropriate response and time-reactions, hence the emergence of "impatience" ... am i losing anybody here?i know i am lost already ...the dude behind the counter is

> another lost sunday

and so sunday came and went pretty quickly (same for saturday too i reckon) and the weekend is officially over. so much for stating the obvious, innit? but then again, "obvious" to some, might just be "totally invisible" to many ... especially for folks who've just poppedby from Mr.Brown's onesingaporeminute-link (for which i have officially stopped counting how many) and who've just grazed thru

> weekend silly pix

ya know itz the weekend when i start ta post silly pictures ...meanwhile check out this hilarious spoof video (quicktimeonly please) - had me in stitches ... til i realized it's all quitetrue, innit? ... hhhmmm ... ;p

> go get a life, why doncha?

im confused. i dunno how to "read signs" anymore.reading between the lines is such a chore, really ... and so is pickingup hints and gawd knows im either too fcukin' slow for the uptake, or i over-react and/or overthink into an (seemingly) innocent situation ... and now i suddenly find myself left dangling in the wind ... like a balloon with the air left out ... and i swing about manically

> negate thee

my negativity has taken a life of it's own ... or maybe rather, negativity has taken over me (tho this is not new news) ... and i have pushed yet another person away from me ... and somehow what she said was true; tis not the matter of (for example) how "broke" i am physically, but how rich i am if i choose to be, and when the mind thinks that, thy mind would be "free"? "free-er"? ... sounding

> pumpin' pressures

/ something funny (IMHO) happened in the polyclinic just: while looking at the jump from the blood pressure gauge, i suddenly saw/imagined my blog hit counter was imbedded unto the machine! scary shitte tho ... and as my blood pressure climbed, so did the number of hits to my blog ... wot a mindfcuk, eh? and all becoz Mr.Brown linked me again ... tho a "parallel-and-yet-not-situation" sorta hits

> i know him well, if at all

something boggled (for lack of a better word at 430am) me today ... and becoz im still mildly awake hence i wanna get this offa my chubby-chest too)was at a location recce in the early morn (thursday), having a puff while waiting for the rest of the team to arrive ... whereby the production coordinator (who arrived first) mentioned about a "new addition" to the team; who had mentioned that he had

> onesingaporeminute

this is what happens when yer mind is too splintered and yer need a distraction ... blame it on Mr.Brown and herein lies what living in singapore means to me, or rather what it takes to "survive" in singapore ... (and yes of coz i hadda cheat and photoshop 'em) ... heh :padded 5/8/05 ~ 3pm:check out the rest of the onesingaporeminute flickr tags here ... (gosh! seems im the only slackass who just

> dimmed survival

715pm. head buzzing from nicotine-overdose and 2 coffees in a day (which ain't exactly much, i know). feets sore from a minor location recce, not to mention an early-ass-morning wake-up. heart pounding exceptionally fast, probably becoz of the news of the postponement of my shoot (at least one of them) ... and here i sit in my room with the fast-diminishing daylight peering in from the window, as

> missing wednesday

twelve midnight; at the stroke of a new thursday - here i sit, finally lucid and awake (or as close as i've been in the past 24hours) and having a mild attack of desperateness and helplessness, shaken'n'stirred with a glimmer of nonchalance, that belies my filtered state of consciousness ... or maybe it's becoz i've yet to have my dinner ... or even lunch, for that matter ...t'was as if wednesday

> a thin veil between memory and intent

... had wanted to dedicate this entry with what had happened with my studio shoot; over the weekend past ... but strangely enough, there was this strong sense of deja-vu hanging over the air ... a wall-of-mistied-clouds barring my vision of the setting sun ... t'was as if i already had ranted-on about this a while back and that the content would basically be exactly the same, whatever it was/will

> my thanks to the armed forces

i really wanna thank the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) for mobilizing me on sunday and thoroughly wasting my time.i wanna thank the SAF for making me miss my studio shoot for the entire afternoon. and hence not be in control of my product and letting it spiral toward mediocrity. and if this had been a paid shoot, my ass would've tore itself a newer and larger one.i wanna thank the SAF for making