> declaration

i hereby declare i am not going to leave any more messages / comments behind on bloggers' sites(unless i already "know" them, and them - me)i know it sounds childish, but like i give a flyingfcuk, innit? HAH!i find it irritating (but also freeking hilarious) that instead of the host/hostess of the site replying, tis his/her croonies blog-frens that replies instead? heh. reminds me of forum-boards

> on duty

... so im back in school, going undercover for an assignment. but nobody knows, not even myself ... going from class to class; in what seemed to be a shopping mall. a shopping mall full of students. i was wearing a white shirt with dark blue pants; just like ye ol secondary school's ... i see a lotta regular faces and yet i see none of them ... the reflections of everyone's shadow glares on the

> sounds of the 80's

i haveta admit, this new music-"sharing" feature on multiply is making me go hog-wild!and at first i was feeling quite the music~schizo, what with the different genres i'd go thru my cd-collection and iTunes-library; to choose which particular ones that i wanna share online ... and fully-knowing suspecting that inevitably it's only a matter of time where there'll be a lockdown on this

> weird wednesday

on a wet wednesday morning (having poured the night before and is still dripping now), being awoken by my mum (whose having a bad toothache due to a dental visit and has taken a day's leave) by handing me a faxed invoice we'd received (which i'd known about before but refused to retrieve it), i ended up sat upright (okay, slouching a bit more than i usually do) in front of my trusty Mac (eyes

> appreciation

had a call in the evening today (tuesday) from ye ol' comicshop ~ fren/dude; M, asked if i was ever gonna go down to the shop to collect me shitte comics reservations ~ to which i promptly replied: "of coz lah! dun scared, won't run away one!" ~ which in essence, he should be scared; becoz what if i did run away? then he'd be stuck with a (by now) entire box full of comics and a mounting debt

> travellin' man

i remember eons ago; when i thought "travelling was a waste of money".i've only recently caught the "travellin' bug" ... seems in "the past" i wasn't that much of a travellin' man ~ content to just stay in singalalaland and work work work ... and reading about and having conversations with some fellow mutipliens (sorry dun have a better word for it *bah*) about where they live and their travels

> my confused monday

sometimes, just sometimes (tho not very often, mind); being jobless gainfully unemployed has it's benefits. or rather, bonus ... one of them being the total suspension of "commitments". and in this regards, "work commitments".this had been my monday:slept at 6am in the morning. woke up at 330pm. had a late porridge lunch. surfed pron the net til 7pm. had dinner. surfed more pron blogs and

> carnage

consider this:tis pretty hard to go to sleep with this much dollies toys scattered all over my bed, innit? damn.i could either:[A] chuck them aside pack them up, and go to bed NOW (coz it's 6am now and im hearing buses outside my window already )OR[B] go sleep in the living room sofa and continue with playing after i wake-up later.... hhmmm ... hard decision this ... eerrmmm ... hhmmm ...can

> old friend

> ring ring

(disclaimer: i wrote this @ 1am on a sunday morning, twitching awake from coffee insertion into my battered+confused~body and a basic lack of nicotine-intake, so ... yah ... actually meant for my multiply first, so might read weird ... yar ... *twitch.twitch* ... okaaayyy....)okay, so i've gotten my mobilephone back from limbo ... the begging for $$$ resuscitation was a real fcukin'bitch ... tho

> temptations

or rather "material temptations" surrounds us at any given moment, at any given time and at any given place. t'was a simple and mundane day, peppered with temptations all around.surfing the web for toys and images left me with a dastardly desire to start hoarding collecting toys again. from japanese miniatures to designer vinyls, to my addiction lurve: 1/6th action figures. missing the days and

> who says im vain?

different and ever changing avatars for my multiply ...*blergh* ;pam determined to have a broke chill weekend, filled with toys toys toys. heh :)

> wanna buy some chocolates?

hands in a fist gripped tight, foaming from the edge of my cracked lips, eyes bloodshot veins popping ... this would've been the gist of my entry here (and a long one t'would've been too), for today had been a truly mindfcukedup day ... but i've decided to let it all dissipate awaaaaayyyy, trying to let it all goooooo ... ... holding in/onto anger is a very tiring thing and it takes muchmore

> the gentle mist

"as the mist engulfs the entire mountain-ridge, the beautiful and majestic lush hills, that seem to stretch to eternity, disappears into the milky-grey cloud; that has become one with the sky ...the mist goes where the wind blows, carrying them over mountains, over trees, over homnes, into rooms and the people's hearts ... relentless mist ... inforgiving fog ... fog of sin ~ engulfing our body

> PR and the past

im normally not good with PR (public relations), specifically with "upper management". never have been. i dun "pander up" or kiss @$$. never have and probably never will. call me stubborn or anything else that comes to mind, but i never felt there was any need to vindicate/validate myself or promote myself in front of "the suits" or "bosses". i do my job to the best of my abilities and situations

> the balloon and the butterfly

like a balloon whose air had been let out, i wobble in midair at the tender mercies of the screaming winds. my string caught amongst the dry branches of a withered tree, i dangle upside down and wonder when will it be before i fall? ... tho i'd rather not fall, for i might get lost or trampled on flat ... or get stuck on a stranger's crusty sole and dragged to nowhereland, no i'd rather not fall

> happy tree friends ... and friends

i may be a lil bit late on this, but better late than never, innit? *blergh*a sullen day brightenedup perversely immensely with the discovery of:MUAHAHAHAHAHA here's da main site, and pleeeeze dun miss the episodes! lovin' this shitte all over again! BWAHAHAHAHA and also toys if yer interested :p... which coincidently were the last set of toys i had bought months back ... heh :)and these are the

> of polyclinic adventures and pensive musings

and 15minutes was all it took for my "medical checkup" to wrap up ... peed in a bottle and had blood sucked out of me ~ that's it. of coz maybe i was expecting maybe somewhat more? ... which shows me for the ignorami that i am lah *PUI*saundered in at 11-odd, to a polyclinic filled to the brim with peeps (doesn't anybody work around here?) and screaming kids (why do they allow screaming kids in

> too shyshy hushhush why do i

i am a shy commentator, or more specifically; i dun comment at all; on other's blogs (online strangers' anyways) ... just merely content with mindraping reading and keeping comments and reactions to myself. with a very very few exceptions and some times, even under an anonymous-tag ... am i "shy" or izzit deeper than that?time now is 3am and im supposed to be sleeping, getting rest for me medical

> of phantom itches and blogs i lurk on

6pm on a monday early eve and i've done nothing the entire day to be even worth rambling-on about here. which of coz i will still do, innit? heh - and precisely BECOZ by "finishing up an entry" would be about the most tangible productive thing i'd have done today! HAH. yeps. uhhm ... hhhmmm ... this gnawing itch that is my current gig is getting on my nerves and then some. waited the whole fcukin

> rumble

235am on a monday morning and all i can hear are loud rumblings in the far distant skies, threatening mother earth with it's wrath, a promise to pelt the nearlands with violent dewdrops of liquidmurder; a bellowing-base shaking the very walls in my room. coupled with the rumble in my own feeble stomach, i resolve to tide thru the double malady with a hot cuppa milo and yet another indulgent

> meow

Mao was last seen prowling the ledge of our livingroom window, where she always goes for a walk and a suntan; at 10am ... tis now 1120pm and we've yet to hear a single meow ... spending the past week lying near the frontdoor of the house, waiting for my dad to come home, ever alert and sittingup whenever someone opens the door ... Mao meowed ever so often, perhaps asking where dad was? and i dun

> me? disorder?

daymn ... sumthing's very wrong here ... or is it?DisorderRatingParanoid:Very HighSchizoid:HighSchizotypal:Very HighAntisocial:ModerateBorderline:ModerateHistrionic:LowNarcissistic:HighAvoidant:HighDependent:Very HighObsessive-Compulsive:Moderate-- Personality Disorder Test ---- Personality Disorder Information --hhhhmmmm = damn online tests! HAH!... i ams wot i ams ... whatever lah dey*blergh*

gaiman in singapore

tis now confirmed = Neil Gaiman's coming to singapore on the 4th of July 2005! and im jumpin' up and down like a dorky-fanboy (which of coz i truly am)the schedule herescreening of the MirrorMask Trailer in cineleisure + extras + a talk = nothing will stop me from going for this ... come hell or highwater i will be sitting in the darkened theatre and swoon to the visuals! (am fearing the flick

> lament

/i am trapped within myself. i want to break free but i dunno how. dammit.

> running'round

feel like my new hamster; fungii .. running around in circles for others' entertainment. heh. chest in pain now. worried. scared. pop a panadol and carry~on running the wheel i suppose :p

> week of change

/to say that this had been a life-altering week, would not have been a cliche. not one single iota. so much had changed and yet remains the same .../

on edge

/random thought :whenever creditcard companies call and offer their "promotions" and such, this is what i say to them: "i've been unemployed for the past 6months." = and that'll be enough for them to stop their selling. heh./random offering :something new/old this way comes:they say: "tis better to have love, than not have loved before"all i can say is: them peeps sure are muthafcuking LUCKY ar$

> i wanna be just a pet

my cat; Mao, came meowing to me as i stepped home yesterday morning at 10am; back from a 24hour-edit. instinctively i felt as if she was trying to ask where my dad was ... tried to reach for her but she skuttled away. later that afternoon, as i laid limply on the livingroom sofa trying to makeout what was on the telly (just awoken from a comoatose slumber session), Mao wokeup from her nap to

> in the twilight morn

and in the end, i did go and meet my frens, saturday night ... and t'was indeed a chill time indeed and a reprieve i had been looking for (but did not really know i was) ... irony being the main dood (for which the get together was for in the first place); left 20minutes after i arrived. heh. but t'was still good and the rest of us hung around, caughtup wif each other's lives, shared views on

> traction

started the afternoon with a sudden desire for luxury items. items that might make my life a bit more bearable: (1) a Mac Laptop, (2) an iPod and (3) a new pair of Addidas (or any brand for that matter): ... *yumz*... but the reality is, i have but only (1) my 2nd-hand-G4, (2) a borrowed Discman [from me mum] and (3) my catscratched pair of Bata slippers: ... to depend on ...and in these lean

> nooooooooo

reading thru my old issues of The Ultimates, in a failed attempt to lure myself to deep slumber; only made me feel worse = for missing my comics so badly. and yes, i've whined about it before ... it doesn't get better, believe me ... fcuk ... and so foolishly i loggedon and all i could find was this:All The NNNOOOOOOs You'd Ever Want and Need ... heh

> silent but deadly

a long and fruitful day in post today. had a coupla darn good ideas+concepts (a short film and a feature), which i'd (eventually. heh) work into scripts (and bless my editor for providing me inspiration) ;p) = darn excited, can? MUAHAHAHAHA ... also met a coupla oldfrens / contacts, which is always good, but dammit, i had run out of namecards! fcuklahdey ... and of coz i sure as hell can't afford

> thegoodlife

"Oh, the good life, full of fun seems to be the idealMm, the good life lets you hide all the sadness you feelYou won't really fall in love for you can't take the chanceSo please be honest with yourself, don't try to fake romanceIt's the good life to be free and explore the unknownLike the heartaches when you learn you must face them alonePlease remember I still want you, and in case you wonder

> wonderin'

> pimp my blog

1030am. there are no birds chirping. there are no sounds of traffic. weird. except for a faint bus wailing. with only the chillouthappypartytunes of Miguel Migs and my frantic tippity-typing, filling the tinyspace of air within my room. with the eternal question beckoning: "can a man sleep 12hours and still be tired?" = and beckon no more for the answer is ... yes. fcuklahdey. can barely keep my

> wimp

> fizzle

birds chirping outside my window, the air cool from the rain that may have happened while i slept. the traffic a surprising gentle hum. dad's playing solitare as usual in the living room and the cat's meowing gently at me; as if trying to tell me something ... a seeming serenity greeted me as i awoke this wednesday morn, barely before 11am and i am strangely overwhelmed by it all ...mayhap it had

> scream

ya know when it's the start of the school hols = when ya start hearing kids scream! everywhere they go, they must scream! talk also scream. laugh also scream loudloud. nahbey. im trying my darnest to maintain my serene and zen-ness (in lieu of my recent "health issue" - must maintain "balance" and dun stress meself too much, innit?) and there you have kiddies either sitting next to you, across

> armani for $10

what $10 can get you at your neighbourhood seri-dewa (malay barber):an "Armani"~Haircutor so that's what he calls it lah! had always had difficulty in asking the dudes for a particular style, and after all the handsignals and explanations, it inevitably goes another way = a "standard-seri-dewa-cut"-way! LOL... but now tis different, for i now have a "name" that goes with a "style" that i like,

> a confused high

> fallen

> deadweight

this word just poppedup between a conversation with myself and my sis just. t'was in reference to the lack of new journals and entries in my multiply, for which i explained my both my altruistic and selfish reasons (which i dun think im gonna repeat - i've gone on waytoomuch about it here already, right?) and that no one gives a shitte on multiply anyways, least of all my "personal friends", with

> dreaminglife

i wish i could remember all my dreams sometimes. the good and the bad. the happy and the sad ones. i have always been fascinated with dreams and of what secrets they hold. an extension and manifestation of your subconscious mind and desires? or a future unravelling before you? a prophecy revealed? the real "truth" in your mind? fascinating, fascinating ... i've remembered fantastic dreams.

> rest for the damned

slept near 11hours uninterrupted (save for a morning pee~call) and im still gawddamned tired, if not more so. could never fathom the human condition such as it is. "sleep" has become such an easier way to "pass time". closing your eyes and awakening to find a "new life" that inevitably doesn't happen ~ only that your life has slipped away; hours on end, and somehow that seems a tad comforting (

> workthursday

> screwed senses?

something which i've noticed a few nights recently. something which i've always not taken much stock in but has baffled me to no end ... whenever i take a late night shower, a strong stench of what smells like lit burning matches fills my nose. at first i thought it came out from outside the window of the bathroom. but now more than ever it seems to exude out of the showerhead! or maybe it's the