> poof goes the mobile

> dramarama spinning sweaty nights

> missing

i miss my comics. i miss them badly. very badly.tis been nearly over a month (i think) since i've stepped into my fav comicshop. once where i had my weekly fix, had since become a place and routine to avoid, as i am near dead broke. i have barely even enough money to go to my shoots! (such fcuking irony this) much less go out of the house, to watch a movie, to have coffee with frens (new and old)

> dizzyday

/sitting infront of my Mac now, a muffled clock ticking 1130pm and tired within an inch of collapse (tough RT this evening). alice in chains lulling me to slumber and quelling this recent urge for a karaoke session ~ i struggle to get alla these out. but tis something i felt that i wanted to do today (rather than "have to", tho thatz never been the case with my blog, yah?) still dunno the main

> a quickie sunday morn

/as oft told to me; there's a time and place for everything, and maybe somethings needn't be spelt out "as and when" ~ which has always been my constant personal failing, i recognize and acknowledge that ... no need for unneccessary emo-stress to burden anyone, yah? (not YET anyways, *evil~muahahahaha*) everyone and yourself have other more immediate concerns and problems to deal with, then to

> are u not entertained?

a crazed clown with a bleeding red nose. a laugh-a-minute-mute. a vessel of nonsense personified. a haunted echo of eternal desires buried in the nether-realms. a chesire grin of carnal cravings. a fossilized foetus in dead-dried-mindfuckbile. a rusted nail up your ass. a cocktail three-in-one-mix of perversity, passion and puke. a fool i shall be. i close my eyes therefore i see. i shut my mouth

> a withered tree

/hope buried in a dry cracked desert beneath a withered tree a thousand questions too little too late and into my cocoon of wrapped bandages soaked in tears and defeat i retreat deep within my darkcave my will to live and love a mockery a sham a practical joke i am dead inside the anguish is excruciating i choke i can't breathe words fail me goodbye

> the past that shapes the present

/i whip myself like a petulant child with an imaginery rotan/cane. remembering the weathered and worn cane of old, when my father used to chase me around the house with (i always lost, as i had shorter legs then) back in old "Nan-Tah" (formerly known as Nanyang University of Singapore, the current site of NTU) where i had spent my formative childhood years between 0 to 8+ years old.i was a blardy

> thy answers ye seek

presenting an online predictor of your future! where your every questions will be revealed with a simple YES or NO answer! marvel at the sheer simplicity of the game! just download the game and start playing! you can either choose between "child", "easy", "medium", "hard" or (my personal favourite) "EVIL" - modes! the goal is to "free" all of the Snoods before they come crashing down and flatten

> create thyself

thy heart pounds fast and furious a faint whisper of rebellion of thy fates thumbing thy nose up at destiny i cower beneath thy false indifference and hope and wishwishwish for brighter days to come but i hold thy heart's breath for nothing is ever certain for both fate and destiny might still have their sweet wicked revenge yet i cower once more into thine cocoontomb and darkdreamdwellings of

> think money

a line in Julia Fordham's Where Does The Time Go; goes:"If I could have a pound for every moment I've spent worryingOn all the little things in life that frankly there's no hurryingThen I would be a rich girl I wanna be a rich girl soon ..."now, i have my own personal opinions on "things in life" that needs to be hurried a tinsy-bit and im obviously not a girl (duh) ... but i sure as heck wanna

> pow

... i only just realized why im still single and no one wants me ...... itz the hair, right? ... right?dammit.

> a puppet without strings

i feel every defeati feel every agonyi feel every anguishim living my life thru the idiotboxim living my dreams thru celluloidtripstheir every failure is my owntheir every heartbreak is my owntheir every sadness is my owntheir every tears are my owni am but a video recorder whose recycling my own VHS tape; day-in-day-outi am but a product of media manipulationi am but a victim of my own

> dey bluff me but i like

dinner at tampines foodcourt on sunday nightwith my family - first time i've been out of mytomb for the longest. latent panic made calm.a strange tinge in my disposition. and it surewasn't the gastrics talking. finding reprieveand solace in family and food. all was good :)but it was not all meant to be ...the chickee was too darn salty! nahbeyguniang!heh :pthat and my brother treated me to a

> itz sunday again?

> honor

what is honor?Principled uprightness of character; personal integrity.what is honor to us? what makes mortals die for honor? what makes us mortals forsake it?what can bring a man down to the depths of his own personal gain and selfishness to dishonor someone else? to smear said person's reputation and sully his name? to forsake the past victories and triumphs he had achieved with said person who

> music baton

kena hoot on the head by Ah9 with the music baton. and i think im gonna fail miserably becoz im gonna haveta shoot arrows to 5 other peeps (listed at bottom of this post) but i only know of 4 readers who reads my shitte and one of them is Andrew himself! WAHLANEH! anyone wanna volunteer? dun shy can? *stress-twitch* ... oh well, here goes nothing ...Total volume of music files on my computer:

> friday's shadow

a day of complete silence. a day of solitude.a day of my death. the death of my existence.cut myself off from the world. switched off my mobile.answered no calls. offered no emails. just slept + slept.and nobody gave a flyingshitte.how muthafcuking childish of meand my only consolation (quite pathetic this):i won $5, after spending $6. whoop-dee-fcuking-doo.

> a lao-hiao sucked dry

bumped into a reservist dude while i was out today (after viewing the offline-edit of a teevee program which im supposed to direct for; next weekend). dude just said "hi", chatted a wee and ran away so fast, i thot he think i was gonna grope his ass or something like dat! (and NO i wasn't and YES im straight gawddammit! ) ...anyways... it got me thinking and wondering a bit ...last we spoke was

> excuses

everybody has excuses for anything and everything. for any given occassion or situation. at any given time. be it the whole truth, halftruths or even straightout lies, they take the form of "excuses" (in this instance) and that "moment in time" is explained and forgiven. permanently or temporarily. problem solved. most times.i wasn't feeling too well.im down with something, i think.i didn't

> number four

there's something that crawls up my skin everytime i put on the SAF number four (code for army camo-fatigues). tis a cross between familiar comfort, which very soon deteriorates to severe discomfort; when ya starts ta sweat like a hog!but having said that, i haven't always hated the uniform. (tho i'd always hate the army *PUI*). i guess it all stems somewhat from vanity. tis all about when you

> of dead amusement parks

something very beautiful and saddening about these images:(found on warrenellis' website this early wednesday morn)ya can still hear the faint echoes of laughter and carnival music...and also do checkout his other pix of empty decaying buildings ...... hauntingly lovely ...

> tired tuesday

> my star wars.02

spent the entire monday mucking about with me toys (finally!) and watching the entire parts 4-6 of star wars! muahahahaha all with the new enhanced versions, of coz (*nudge-nudge*). ya can see where the budget goes higher and higher with each episode. the obvious low-tech of A New Hope, the more action packed The Empire Strikes Back and the hoohah of Return Of The Jedi. actually the dialogues are

> sunday bloody sunday

maybe im a bit slow on the uptake here (and i can see many a nod of agreement among u readers fcukahs... heh), but what izzit about the lack of blogging on a sunday? most times ya only see updates late at night ... i can only presume everyone's out to enjoy their sundays (before the new workweek) or spending time with loved ones or indulging in some leisure activities that enhances their lives

> sketch

indulgent + productive night, i reckon ;p :: dream + vader ::itz 725am on a sunday morning ... time ta sleep ... goodnite y'all :)

> gillian

just watched stephen fung's house of fury and actually enjoyed it thoroughly! HAH! savouring the art direction and of coz ... gillian ...... *sigh* ... who needs a cold shower when ya have thundering rain outside? ... damn - the rain just stopped ... hhhmmm .... *siiiiiggghhhhh*

> garbage rocks!

'nuff said*I've got a fevercome check it and seethere's something burning and rolling in mewe may not last but we´ll have fun till it endsc'mon baby be my bad boyfriend ...If you can't love me honey go on just pretendI´ve saved something special for the very endIf you can't love me honey go on just pretendc'mon baby be my bad boyfriend*~ lyrics from Bad Boyfriend (track #1) ~lyrics + music videos

> cloud sparkles

lying down flat on the ground today at RT, i could help but focus on the clear clouds and the weird moving microscopic sparkly-thingies within my eye. dunno how to describe it lah (i cheated during humansocialbio in school) clearest i can offer is the constant moving of mini-specks (cells?) buzzing around within my vision. of coz there was this random grouping of what seemed like dirt within my

> a simple life

a saturday late lunch. strangely that's enough.off to RT now. have a good saturday y'all.

> may the farce be with ya 2

not much more h e r e so far anyways :pstrangely enuff, as excited i am of it coming soon, yet i can't be arsed. i wonder why ... maybe tis the resistense of "hype"? or the baggage of the past 2 duds that keeps me from being totally overexcited? of coz i'd still go and watch it! but somehow alla the "magic" seems dissipated in a way. or we/i too spoilt for "choice" - in this day and age, nothing

> run chubby run

plans to chill and watch an evening movie gave into mildpanic+depression and i took the the mrt home. johnleehooker blasting outofme earphones and i wrap myself in the solace of the blues to guide me thru home. drats.an afternoon of a good meeting whereby i probably rambled-on way TOO MUCH and mayhaps freaked out the peeps (altho they said no and seemed to have fun! muahahahahaha :p) oh well,

> silent slumber

i actually had a shitteload of things to say, but now that i've logged-on - i can't remember any of them? "so why blog?" = well, becoz i've (1) already logged-on. and (2) i can't sleep. or rather the pain is too much for me to bear, and i haveta find other means and ways to induce sleep, if only to tire myself out, ya know? well itz 515am and i figured if im to be awake and all-perky+

> hunger

1145pm.i went down on her. i ate her as she screamed formore. i had not done this before at all (not with her).and when i awoke, i realized this was all itz gonna be;a dream. a fantasy-after-the-fact ... *i sighs*

> random thoughts 2

1. remember you loved watching movies; becoz of the movie and not becoz of the company.2. milo with fresh milk is the best.3. i may not be who i was, but i am me now. and if that doesn't matter, then fcukoff.4. how the fcuk am i gonna sell away all my toys?5. but with a bad movie, good company is always better.6. i miss you. and i miss me.and all i did was sleep. and moan and whine, of coz. the

> painpain go away

> tis a pain to be me

R.T.-day, so there ...

> random thoughts 1

1. mobilephones should be totally abolished. so you need never haveta wait for a call that might never come.2. raisin biscuits are the best.3. do not drink ice cold milk at night.4. i'm so horny now it's not even funny anymore. but it never was in the first place.5. i'd love to ask how your day was, but i dun think you give a shitte about mine.6. 'assumptions' will be the death of me.

> stories of yore

with 5minutes to 6am on a possibly dreary wednesday (RT-day *PUI*) = either im too muthafcukingtired from alla the mindmuckabout (rant prior) or tis a true state of seeming calmness as i finished reading this exceptional Warren Ellis' entry: Stories, Drinking and The World ... somehow it gets to me, not least his drunkenbritdemeanour, but for the vile hushed truth that it encapsulates ... but

> reality checkcheckcheck-it-out

> The MisAdventures of MyFuckedUpLife

a seemingly chill tuesday ended in turmoil and pain.

> endless

itz 230am on a tuesday morning and i find my hands quivering as i hold an inkbrush to my penciledsketches...tis been a while since i've actually sat down to draw anything, thatz not work. tho hardly the best i've done, but still i find myself wif a smile and a renewed inspiration + vigor to create. just wish i didnt need to sleep! but we'll see - not really a heavyday tomorrow and i think i

> monday moments

a blast-from-the-past. heh :p15minutes to 5pm and im stuck wif a stack of scripts that needs tweaking and i've to squeeze out "creativeshitte" within the next four hours. oh joy. but i pan it not, becoz tis what i wanted. *smiles* ... the flood-o-work-flashbacks are slowly coming backtome and i gripthesides of my chair in anticipation. hope i dun haveta grip too long tho ... am just too darned

> portrait

felt like doodling, so...itz 725am on a monday morning ...time ta go ta sleep ... goodnite y'all :)

> afloat in a sea of grey

a sunday and mother's day rolled into one? *URGH* THE PRESSURE! and in the end, nothing much happened. in fact, NOTHING happened. didnt even bring me mum out for a meal. thy finances are depleting mondo-fast and very soon i'll be flatoutbroke again. looks like i'll be settingup stall at ye ol' fleamarket perhaps soon ... before all the work linedup from midmay onwards (i hope i hope) ... anyways,

> may the farce be wif ya

in keeping wif the current frenzy of star wars,and inspired by andrew's excellent collection,im reposting a photospoof i did a whiles backfor some shittez'n'giggles :pdun worry, i dun write for a living... heh :poh man, May19th? i can't wait! :)

> believe it or not

i can't believe this. i must be out of my friggin mind, i swear...just a minute upon reaching home at 630pm from another evening of RT and i went out for a run around the block. i actually made the conscious effort to try and go for a run. i dunno whether to be proud of myself or to check myself into an asylum. but maybe itz just a lapse in my psyche (too damaged recently perhaps) - it was just a

> wakingup pissed is a bitch

> innocence lost + jittery pulp

i blemish not my childhood. tis the lost innocence i lament. for a simpler yesteryear i have but only faded pictures. or a cracked piece of mirror might surffice. juz becoz. innocence lostepilogueitz 15minutes after 5am and my boguscopy of Pulp Fiction is giving me the jerkyjitters. vincent and mia are twisting in strobes. fcuk. my original copy was recently found scratched beyond redemption. i

> the proud the aching few

felt something rare today. something i've not felt for quite a while now. from something as simple and minute as it seems.i did six rounds round the RT track today without much incidence. and with energy to spare. quite a leap from the initial run i whined about when i saw stars and shitte, just saturday last. tonight i mantained and finished it all. and i am proud of myself. i feel good. i

> redpipes

and suddenly my schedule is freedup. cool.mucked around in photoshop wif some old pix taken a while backmemories still raw and tis another 3hours more til the next roundof pain. but i shouldn't complain. this is where im at. and this iswhere i wanna be. isn't it? i haveta stop asking questions and startdoing shitte. becoz this is what i wanna do. life can wait. but i can't.

> postsecret

3am in the morning and im glad im still awake to find this exceptional blog: postsecret.blogspot.com/"PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail-intheir secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard."a collection of thought/emo-provoking secrets no one else will ever see or know.

> value of design

and since i'm ona roll ... aaahhh ... another ole' nugget of rage and discontent ... circa 23.11.2000 (posted on multiply too on the 7th Sept'04) ... obviously out of frustration wif whom(s) i cannot remember ... my "angry-man-years"... heh... tiz gonna be a looooong one...“What price DESIGN?” or even, “What price Art Direction?”Is there a “rate” or “value” we should all know about? Where did it

> a price to pay for anything or everything

my silent prayers had been answered, but there is a "price" to pay.coming back from RT i received a phonecall confirming my suspicions. and also the aforementioned silent prayer ("wish" more like). an opportunity presented itself whereby i would be released from my current gig via dubious and questionable excuses and reasons by the client. whatever. but it meant i would be "free" from the

> contradict thee

i don't want to go anywherei long to be everywherei yearn to be alonei want to belongi want to do nothing at alli'm dying to do every gawddamned thing that comes to my fcuking mindi need to start working and earn a livingi don't want to give a muthaflyinfcuk about moneyi want to fester and roti wish to dream and createi want to stonei need to dreami want to stand-up and gogogoi need to lie down

> spent

> discipline be damned

/this is what happenes when ya "lack" discipline ... > oldies but goodies!

> zombified

walked the citystreets like a zombie todaydazed and aimless searching for somethingsearching for a lost memory searching fora feeling searching for what i will never havetalking empty thinking nothing consideringstill of trapping myself in yet another cornerdisguised as an opportunity a break a chancei think i owe myself i dread the consequencesin the unforgiving heat so hot the sun darkensand

> this is how my mind feels like now

0210amspare me please

> holiday meh?

ohman! monday's a holiday and i clean forgot?! daymn!my memory is begining to fail me yet again. everything's a massive glob of displaced information and warped perverted notions of what shouldbehappening; butisnot. finally decided to put the lameassminidiary i bot a while back to use and find that i've my timeline and tasks all remembered wrong and in a gargantuan mess! quite a mindfcuk i haveta

> just another sunday

t'was a (sorta) working-sunday (*groan*). metup with client at 2pm and shopped at a secondhand shop til 5-ish. helped not greatly in my gig, but i will survive ... somehow... had great duckrice (first meal of the day) at somewhere around macpherson (i forgot the addie, but who gives a shitte?) and upon getting home; googled the rest of the evening away.tis a rainy sunday evening at 730pm and i've